Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Most of us will experience working with a difficult person.
It may be an impatient client, a demanding manager, a condescending CEO, an overly competitive colleague, or a dismissive vendor. On some days, it might even be all of the above!
Obviously, you have little control over others people, their behaviors, or how they interact with you. What you do have control over is yourself and how you respond in any given situation. If you’re working with a difficult person, situations will surely arise.
Having a plan to deal with difficult people in a way that doesn’t cross your own boundaries or the boundaries of professionalism will be useful not only in specific moments, but will help shape your reputation as a professional and as a leader.. Your success at work and in life largely depends on your ability to identify and regulate your emotions and responses to situations.
I’ve been delving into improving my emotional maturity for several years.
As a result, I’ve had calmer and more fulfilling relationships in both my personal and professional life. In adverse situations, I’ve been able to conduct myself in a more professional, mature, and diplomatic way than I had in the past.The advice I offer is what I’ve learned from my own experience as well as from consuming personal development content from books and videos produced by psychologists and philosophers. While this advice is comprehensive, it’s by no means exhaustive. Ultimately, it will be up to you to determine the best way to handle stressors and maintain good mental and physical well being.
You may be able to recall a situation in which something happened that triggered unpleasant emotions for you. Maybe you were flushed with embarrassment or confusion, felt an urge to cry, or even become angry. While there is nothing inherently wrong with any of these emotions, what matters is how you handle yourself in response to your emotions.
To manage your emotions in the heat of a situation so that you aren’t participating in perpetuating a harmful cycle with a difficult person, consider taking the following steps:
✓ Put space between you and the situation before responding. Take a 5 to 10 minute walk away from your desk or put the email you wrote into drafts and re-read it later. This will help you de-escalate so that you are able to regulate your emotions and respond maturely and professionally.
✓ Breath deeply for one minute. Close your eyes if it’s safe to do so. Inhale from as deep in your abdomen as you can and exhale after the breath has reached the top of your head. Slowing your breathing down this way reduces the physical effects of stress. Listen to calming music or a mini podcast on stoic practices.
✓ Separate the person from their behavior and consider their point of view. Even if you’re certain that they’re wrong, visualize what it might be like to walk in their shoes. What might their desired outcome be? What is their priority? Who must they answer to? Without allowing them to cross reasonable boundaries, having empathy for them will help you engage in a way that they will ideally not perceive as an attack.
When you’re as calm as possible, you’re ready to strategize your response. To do so, you’ll want to consider the following factors:
✓ What is the potential outcome if you don’t respond? Sometimes the best response is no response. This is most applicable when your work isn’t affected, when the other person isn’t in a position of power, or when responding would have a more detrimental effect than not responding.
✓ Is this a one-time situation or has it been ongoing? If it’s a one-time situation, might the other person just be having a bad day? If it’s an ongoing issue, you may want to consider involving human resources or an empathetic leader who can help mediate and address any underlying issues.
✓ Does the situation involve a beneficiary? If the answer is yes, your primary course of action should be to do what’s in the best interest of the beneficiary. Any remaining issues can be dealt with separately.
✓ When does this situation require a response? Is there an immediate need or can it wait until tomorrow? Is additional information needed? Is there greater risk to waiting versus not waiting? When you’ve determined what your course of action will be, visualize yourself succeeding in the words you use, your tone, and your demeanor. Practice your response until you become confident with it.
With enough intentional practice of these techniques, your own stress levels will be reduced, which will make you more resilient and effective in difficult situations.
Be sure to develop your own personal development study. In turn, your professional reputation will improve and you may potentially be considered for roles in leadership.
